Undisclosed Desires
by randomfangirlwriting
Summary: They shared it with him, only with him. Sometimes Allen felt special. He was the only one who could see, could understand the pain they had to bear.


A Songfiction about Allen´s Love for Akuma.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything and I don`t get money for living out my fantasies. XD

-Man © Hoshino Katsura

Undisclosed Desires © Muse

_I know you've suffered, but I don't want you to hide._

Every time his eye activated he felt like crying. He wanted to cry with them. It didn't matter how often he had to deal with seeing them, his heart broke every single time. With every soul he saw suffering. Sometimes he also was a bit jealous. The Akuma always had shown him how much they suffered, how much sadness, grief, hate but even love was within them. That was something he just couldn't allow himself to do. He was afraid to break down his soul, maybe he would even break other hearts, not only his own. To him, it was for sure that no one could bear it; no one could understand the pain he felt. The only person who lifted the pain bit by bit from his shoulders was already dead.

But still, he was a bit proud.

All the pain they had…

They shared it with him, only with him. Sometimes Allen felt special. He was the only one who could see, could understand the pain they had to bear.

_It's cold and loveless; I won't let you be denied_

That's why he couldn't let them down. He remembered the time Mari warned him, he should watch his words, because no one would understand his love for the Akuma.

But he didn't care. He promised it.

He would save all of those pitiful souls.

Well, he could understand why everybody hated the Akuma.

But that only gave him a reason…

_Soothing I'll make you feel pure  
Trust me, you can be sure_

…to love them even more. Every time he heard them crying, saw the pain he wanted to put his arms around them, hug them close to his heart. To calm them, to give them the love, the understanding they were longing for. Since everyone hated them, just wanted to kill them, he wanted to save them, to give them love, to make them feel good.

Maybe he just wanted to give them something he longed for himself.

Warmth.

Trust.

Only a shoulder to cry on. Someone who could bear it, who could fill the longing, the desire.

Heal the wide open wound.

Even if he wouldn't admit it, he longed for a soft voice, soothing him after a nightmare, telling him everything will be alright.

And he was sure the Akuma`s soul felt the same.

_You may be a sinner, but your innocence is mine_

Maybe Mari was right. He shouldn't talk about it.

Maybe it was better for him and for them when they didn't know.

He didn't care if they killed many people. He couldn't care about it anymore.

Sometimes he felt bad, telling himself he shouldn't think things like this but…

If someone gave you so much pain, bringing you back and bringing yourself to kill helpless people…

How could you hate someone who had to suffer this kind of pain?

No wonder those souls were crying, screaming, longing for death.

Allen remembered the time he saw the soul of the Level 4. It looked so terrible.

So rotten, so badly hurt, he could even _smell_ it. No wonder he had to vomit.

His heart hurt every time he had to see them. Those pitiful, innocent souls, crying out to him.

_I want to reconcile the violence in your heart_

That's why he decided to save them.

To give them the peace they were screaming for.

The understanding they were crying for.

To give them the love they deserved.

_I want to exorcise the demons from your past_

After making his foster father an Akuma, giving him so much pain.  
If he would let them down, if he would stop loving his enemies, it would have been like betraying the only person he ever loved.

Mana.

No one, not any of his friends would ever understand it, why he had to save them.

Why he loved them more then himself, more then the human.

The reason was, if he would save all of them…_  
_

_I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart_

It would bring him the salvation his own soul was crying for.


End file.
